


Stalemate

by Zelinxia



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Angst, Angst and Porn, Blindfolds, Bondage, Chair Bondage, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-01-08
Packaged: 2018-01-08 00:06:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1125983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zelinxia/pseuds/Zelinxia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fai has never been certain of anything, except for two things. The first is he will die.</p><p>The second is he loves Kurogane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stalemate

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MachikoAsu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MachikoAsu/gifts).



> For the CLAMP Secret Santa 2013 Exchange. The request was 'KuroFai Infinity sex', and I wanted to write porn that wasn't primarily angry and vicious. Being an Infinity fic, sadness was the only other way to go. Many thanks to KittenKin, my ~~angst~~ muse partner in crime, for helping me brainstorm and cloverfield for beta'ing.

Fai has never felt certain about anything his whole life. 

His brother’s death. Leaving Valeria and starting a new life in Celes. Serving the people and being welcomed by them, only to see them die one by one. Finding out Ashura was responsible for all of those deaths. And then fleeing away from home to accompany Sakura – whom he pledged to serve and protect and cherish with all his heart – only to stab her in the end. None of these were what he ever wanted or hoped for. Fate had decided a cruel path for him from the moment he had been born; designated as ill luck wherever he went and whoever he crossed paths with. There were times he fought against it, but no matter what he does, he cannot change a single thing.

( _He doesn’t need sight to know Kurogane has a fresh wound. The scent of his blood is strong, and like every past instance, it’s the only thing on his mind, hunger pangs rippling through every fiber of his body and it won’t go away until he drinks his fill._ )

And from behind him, Kurogane says, “Drink.”

Depending on Kurogane’s own blood was one other thing he did not see coming, or have a say in at the slightest. Death’s door was so close in the tiny realm of certainty he had; and then Kurogane had to present himself as an obstacle. ‘If you want to die so badly, I’ll kill you myself. But until then, live.’

( _‘Stay with me. I can’t lose you.’_ )

Fai’s too tired to laugh hollowly and bitterly. Mutter those words he knows will drive and twist through the open, deep wounds in him (‘you’re truly hopeless, _Kurogane’_ ), even though he’s sorry to hurt him so because what he really means is ‘ _there’s nothing you can do that’ll save us both. I beg you, give up._’ For a long time, he fights back, never complying with Kurogane’s commands immediately, always drinking the minimum amount of blood he needs until the next meal, and certainly never treating these moments as more than just a predator overcoming their prey. But things have drastically changed now that Sakura has left them.

He doesn’t budge from the chair, and sure enough, Kurogane doesn’t waste any time and is now next to him, wrist poised mere inches away from his nose. The rich, deep smell overwhelms, and in an instant he latches onto it. 

This time, Fai doesn’t stop when he reaches the minimum amount he needs to last another night. He still makes sure to be careful not to drink too fast, or else Kurogane may bleed more than he should, and he would never want the warrior to be hurt for his sake, not even when he’s been forcefully pushing him away these past few months. Tongue lapping over warm, alcohol-laced blood, he drinks it all in, and it ameliorates the raw hunger and pain; from the center of his chest then slowly spreading outwards throughout his body. He savors it, the way a convict would enjoy their divine last meal before their execution. 

Tonight _is_ his last meal, because tomorrow, Fai will die. 

It was only a matter of time before he had to return to Celes. There is, _was_ , a feather of Sakura’s left behind in Chii, and if he really was able to never return home, then it would have negated the wish of Syaoran ( _not necessarily the ‘Syaoran’ that’s with them now, but the Syaoran that left them behind, the one who lost his soul and stole his eye, and whose magic power grows more and more dangerous all because Fai is still alive, and it’s Kurogane who saved him because he cares about him too much._) Even though now she was reunited with that feather in Chii, he wants to go after her body because he made a promise to protect her. He still has to confront the king himself, and fulfill Ashura’s wish. And the only way he can do so is if he dies along with him.

 _Yes_ , he thinks. When he sees Ashura tomorrow, it will no doubt be painful. But this time there is no way out; Kurogane cannot do anything to intervene. This time, his death is certain. 

And that is why he’s so willing to feed on Kurogane tonight, without refusing or leaving scornful words. The least he can do for the warrior, who has done so much for him, more than he feels he ever deserved, is comply – as a farewell of sort. 

Satiated wholly for the first and last time, he stems the flow of blood with the press of his tongue. He can hear Kurogane’s pulse calming down as he licks the wound clean; his vampire’s saliva heals and closes it. Sometimes Kurogane draws a blade over the same spot, reopening old wounds. Yet, doing so every single time for three months isn’t safe, so therefore other scars exist around his left wrist. They hide under a band most of the time for protection, but tonight, they are exposed once more. Fai makes sure to lick the rest as well, to soothe them and to give his silent, farewell thanks.

“You’re taking longer than usual,” Kurogane says.

“A lot happened tonight,” Fai says, and then resumes his work.

Fai’s not the only one who is supposedly terrible at hiding his true thoughts and feelings. No matter how calm Kurogane can stay at the moment, he cannot prevent Fai from detecting his blood and heartbeat with the senses of his new nature. Kurogane’s pulse quickens once more, and there’s a hitch in his breath. It’s not the first time Kurogane has been aroused in such a manner. There’s no doubt he’s attracted to Fai, and wants more than to be simply licked clean and have wounds closed. And for that reason, Fai must always be careful whenever he finishes feeding off his prey, making sure that sweeping over Kurogane’s injuries with his tongue is strictly business, and never sensual. But tonight, he doesn’t want that. He wants to explore. He wants to indulge Kurogane. He wants to _love_. After all, he’s going to die tomorrow.

“Something’s up with you.”

Fai lets go of his wrist and licks his lips clean. He leaves the chair.

“I’m just doing my part here.”

Unimpressed, Kurogane takes his place and sits. “And that’s exactly why it’s strange.”

Fai keeps his back to him. Of course Kurogane would catch that his behavior tonight is off. His strong perception does not worry him so much now. It does not take much to see how different he is acting. As long as Kurogane does not know that he faces death the next day, he can remain calm.

“Like I said, tonight was tiring.”

But Kurogane does not listen. Fai feels a strong hand on his wrist, the force sharp enough for him to turn around. He nearly falls, but doesn’t, and in the process he comes close to Kurogane’s face, where a worried frown confronts him.

“Remember that you’re not going after the princess all on your own.” _Rest up, do not worry. We will get her back safely._

It doesn’t matter what he says or does. Kurogane will always be concerned, worried over his welfare. Attention, worthiness, _affection_ – time and time again these past months Kurogane has willingly given it all to him. A person like him doesn’t, and never will deserve these things from someone like Kurogane. Yet no matter how hard he tries to fight, Fai craves for some more, and he feels sick and shameful for wanting that.

Earlier tonight, his hunger had been like an animal that depended on particular food sources to sustain and survive. But now, the hunger clawing inside of him longs for something completely different. Is this something to be expected if he consumes more than he needs, drunk from Kurogane’s – his prey’s – very own blood?

 _No_ , he thinks, with a heavy heart. This hunger has been going on long before he became a vampire, an inhuman being, far longer than he can ever admit. When he was forced to live and consequently survive on Kurogane – the one person he knows will face the most severe consequences if he ever gets close to – he finally saw just how devastating crossing the lines really was, and still is.

Warm, red eyes are the only things in his limited field of vision. They’re so close he can feel Kurogane’s – and his – pulse beating madly.

“I know,” he whispers, and in that moment, they share a fierce kiss. 

They are no longer merely predator and prey. There’s aching hunger on Kurogane’s end, and Fai can taste it on his lips. It’s not sharp and salty like his blood. He’s warm and inviting, _intoxicating_ – and none of Fai’s debilitating bloodlust can compare to his burning desire for the man who has given him so much and _wants_ him. 

The chair rattles as Fai straddles Kurogane’s lap, arms laced around his neck. Kurogane holds him tightly, one hand fisted in his hair, and hauls him back in for more, each kiss deeper and greedier, their bodies crushed together. Fast and sloppy, Fai drinks them in, and all the while he hears the roaring sound of blood pounding along Kurogane’s throat. He pulls down the collar, exposing a swathe of broad, tan neck, and sucks under his jawline, flared fangs scraping over taut skin. It takes a lot of control and care not to puncture his neck. The graze of his teeth, however, doesn’t fail to touch on nerves, and the needy growl humming deep in Kurogane’s throat is convincing enough. Together, they take off his shirt, and just as Kurogane leans in for another breathless kiss, Fai leaves his lap.

He is met with knitted brows when he forces his arm band past the elbow and over the nest of scars on his left wrist, tying it tighter. “What are you doing?”

“Improvising,” he croons. 

He then circles behind the chair, where he removes his own belt. Kurogane does not resist when he claims both arms and restrain them behind the chair, where he proceeds to tie them together with the belt. The inside lining is not as rough, and the arm band ensures protection for his recent, sealed up wound. 

“Is this alright with you?”

Kurogane tilts his head back with a feral grin, and the wicked gleam in his eyes is unmistakably the same as those times he had welcomed battles in previous worlds. 

“As if this could really hold me if I wanted to escape.”

Fai smirks. “Then I’ll make sure you don’t break free.”

And with his unchained hands, he cradles Kurogane’s head from behind and kisses him, slow and gently. As he lets go he pulls the headband down until it covers the warrior’s eyes completely, earning a smirk of approval. Now that Kurogane is bound and blindfolded, Fai can admire him with the certainty he has reign for the night. 

Long and jagged burnt scars run down his back. Fai traces them with his fingertips, knowing full well the history of these, and Kurogane shivers from the cold touch. A somber smile forms; he wonders how Kurogane would react when he finds out his initial blood sacrifice was all in vain. Swallowing the painful thoughts, he then runs his hand over Kurogane’s shoulder, where the scars continue over his arm.

“Your safe word will be ‘stalemate’,” he says, turning towards the front of the chair.

Kurogane cocks his head. “Stalemate, huh?”

“Yes.” There are scars littered throughout on Kurogane’s chest, but not as dark and numerous as the burns he accumulated on his back. Fai’s eye flares gold in rakish hunger, and with his claws drawn out, he faintly scratches the contour of Kurogane’s torso. The warrior breathes harder. “In a regular chess game, it means a draw.”

“A draw that ends nowhere,” Kurogane says with a frown. Fai retracts his claws and repositions himself on his lap. “Of all the words, you pick one that means ‘a draw’. Not surprising.” 

Flashes of anger and _sadness_ rise in him, and he’s all too glad Kurogane cannot see the hurt on his face at the moment. ( _It’s one reason why he wanted to blindfold the intoxicating man._ )

“That’s enough talking,” he snaps; then punctuates this command by crushing Kurogane’s lips with his.

Beneath him, Kurogane squirms, ragged breaths and deep, heavy moans drowned out by rough kisses. Their pulses thunder in tandem, and when Fai dips below his jawline, swiping his tongue over the sensitive throat, he can hear the roaring sound of Kurogane’s blood pumping so loudly that it takes every scrap of restraint he has to leave the neckline unmarred. Turning away from the neck, he latches on a bare, erect nipple, teeth grazing over the dark circle, eliciting a deep growl. 

Kurogane yanks against his bonds a few times, but before he can break free or push the chair – and them – to the floor, Fai grabs his hands to a stop them.

“You know you are not allowed to touch me,” he says.

 _Because I can’t let you love me all you want._

To Fai’s relief, he stays put. With his bloodlust subsiding, he kisses his neck once more, drawing sharply on the skin, while rubbing his nipples. Hearing his moans, feeling him shudder beneath his mouth and hands, and just _knowing_ he is under his control: for the one who is the predator – in feeding and in the bedroom – Fai barely manages to suppress the neediness building in his throat from escaping. Right now, for him, it’s all about indulging Kurogane, and only Kurogane, under tight conditions. And sure enough, when he feels a bulge rising beneath him, he slides off his lap onto the cold, hard floor and presses his mouth against it. 

Kurogane jerks with such force that the chair raises then slams down hard and loud. Fai holds down his thighs, thumbs pressed into the folds of his leather pants. 

“Careful now, you don’t want the others to wake up, do you?”

“Bastard.”

The belt and zipper come undone. Cotton underwear is the only thing left preventing Kurogane’s hard cock from release. He rubs in circular motion and blows a huff, receiving an earful of colorful words. It goes on like this, thumbing fabric and sending breaths until Kurogane is rendered incoherent. Pants pulled down to his knees and cock free, Fai palms its tip. As enticing as it already is, he can smell the blood rushing in, bloodlust and arousal overwhelming him so much he can’t see straight for a brief moment. He licks his lips.

“You best hope you don’t bleed some more,” he taunts.

Kurogane swallows hard ( _and Fai shivers_ ). “Don’t you dare feed on m- _hnnggharrrgh_!”

He’s on point in a sense. Fai devours him, but not his blood. He does not take his sweet, slow time consuming Kurogane’s hard member, sucking hard and teasing as much skin as he can with his lithe tongue. After blood, a prey’s flesh is the tastiest for vampires. And what flesh it is. Warm, salty, and sticky with pre-cum – it’s as divine, if not more so, as his blood. But unlike beading pools of blood trickling from flesh, lapped up bit by bit to satiate hunger, it’s denser and all there at once, and he can taste it in his mouth over and over as he bobs up and down. The noises Kurogane make are _obscene_ and he’s writhing, bucking in tandem to Fai’s ravenous mouth, and blood and pulse and everything about _him_ is so tantalizing that he’s so hard and _oh_ if he could get off himself but he _shouldn’t._

Kurogane’s blood flow increasing, pulse surging in staccatos, and muscles thrumming, Fai dips in and out faster. He’s going to make Kurogane come so hard ~~that he’ll remember him long after he’s gone~~ that the warrior will be over-exhausted and unable to make it up and come after him. Breaths hitched, muscles quivering and blood pulsing so loudly that it’s all Fai can hear and his balls are tingling, he puckers a ring with his lips around it. He’s going to come, Fai feels it; almost, _almost_ – 

“Stale – _hah_ – mate.” 

That word, the safe word _he_ himself assigned for Kurogane, pulls him sharply from his bloodlust state. Kurogane using it, surrendering, is surprising enough for him to withdraw quickly.

He hadn’t expected him to use it now, but Kurogane did. In some twisted, cruel way, he feels betrayed, losing that control he relied on tonight. But of course, he doesn’t want to hurt Kurogane any more than he already has, as a companion and the dominant. 

Collecting himself on his feet, he then gets a better view of Kurogane’s state. Disheveled, almost naked with pants down his ankles, cock still throbbing and flushed, and panting heavily, Fai barely manages to will away from such irresistible distraction. He unties the belt from Kurogane’s hands. It falls to the floor along with the loosened arm band. No longer bound and strapped to the back of the chair, Kurogane stretches his arms with a great, big sigh, and then drops them by his side. 

Fai walks around, clacking boots filling the sudden silence between them, and slips his fingers underneath the band covering Kurogane’s eyes. He’s not sure what to expect when their eyes meet again – looking away is not an option since Kurogane will catch on to his uneasiness right away. Calloused hands clutch his wrists as soon as the band comes off. For a fleeting moment, Fai sees those familiar red eyes, brilliant and _passionate_ – and then the next thing he knows Kurogane pulls him down and crushes him with his lips.

It’s not blood, it’s not flesh, but it feels good, _Kurogane_ feels good and warm and safe and just _right_. 

Fai can’t let go. ( _He doesn’t want to._ ) 

Lightheaded, his knees cave in, but Kurogane holds him steady. He gets up. The chair scrapes, but neither pays attention to how loud it is. Kurogane’s practically stark naked. Fai isn’t. Tan fingers pick at his buttons and he lets him. His crisp shirt falls to the floor, and for the first time this night he feels the warmth of Kurogane’s chest directly against his. Warm blood and steady heart pulses beat against his cold, smaller body. He grasps the ends of Kurogane’s hair and pulls him in for more kisses.

They’re both shaking at that point: Fai overwhelmed from Kurogane’s move post surrender, and Kurogane from combatting blood loss fatigue. At Kurogane’s urging, they resettle on Fai’s bed, where the last of their clothing are shed. On Kurogane’s will, he removes Fai’s hair tie, and fading sun-silk hair fans across his pillow. He pushes aside flyaway strands, tucks some behind his ear, and then rubs where ear and jawline meet. He buries his nose in Fai’s temple – and then it hits Fai hard. Kurogane only wants to love him properly, even though he resists all this time. He fights the urge to cry. 

( _And he’s used to it. He’s a master at holding tears at bay, in spite of saying there’s certain strength to cry when you need to a long, long time ago when there was nothing much between him and Kurogane like now. He’s not strong enough._ )

“Let me…”

Fai doesn’t let him finish, drowning out the rest of his words with a hasty kiss. No matter what Kurogane wants to say, he knows it will make it more painful, and he won’t let that happen. For now, Kurogane doesn’t resist, and he’s grateful.

“We don’t have a lot of time tonight,” Fai says. _Tomorrow is when we say goodbye._ “Everyone should be well rested for tomorrow, so let’s make it quick, no?”

The last words Kurogane says with a growl are, “My ‘quick’ is not the same as your ‘quick’,” and then he captures Fai’s mouth in his once more.

He kisses deeply, trailing downward where he settles on Fai’s shoulder, drawing out skin in sharp, sucking motions. Kurogane is not a vampire, does not have pronouncing sharp teeth to prick along sensitive skin like Fai does, but the pinpricked heat _sears_ through well enough. He loops his arms around that strong neck, and inhales sharply when Kurogane takes his cock in his hand and rubs it. At first, his strokes are slow, building and building up the pace. Fai arches his head back, throat exposed for Kurogane to bury his mouth in, warm breath tickling him and he wants more, _needs_ more. 

“In me. Now.” 

And this time, Kurogane relents. He rummages in the tiny bedside drawer.

All groups of advance-ranked tournament guests are provided with modest suite rooms. Along with them come amenities, including lubricants and condoms. They find it strange that the mafia family who hosts the shady, underground tournaments would happily provide basic sex protection when they allow, and even encourage illegal and violent (and sometimes deadly) tactics on the battlegrounds. But given that this area is run in a red light district area and all types of guests are brought back to participants’ rooms, it is wise to provide them. 

Kurogane retrieves them and then prepares them both. Fai hooks his legs over Kurogane’s shoulders, and with shaking breath he slides in.

Floods of pleasure and ecstasy spread in his body. They promptly kiss to mute their moans from reverberating in the room and possibly waking up the others next door. After spending a long day filled with terror and suspense, and losing some blood, the toll starts to show on Kurogane’s body. On each side of Fai’s face, he fists the sheets, and they start to slip the more he rocks back and forth, the angle of his hilt changing. Little bursts of pain shoot up in Fai, his strangled cries lost in Kurogane’s tongue, and in wild desperation he scratches the warrior’s back, shortened claws digging into vulnerable skin. He can feel strips of skin ripping like that of papercuts, the faint scent of blood luring him, but he’d already set lustful desires after a different carnal pleasure tonight. Meanwhile Kurogane shows no sign of pain, or at least hides it like he always does.

( _He had hurt him again._ )

“I can take over,” Fai urges.

He tilts over, legs still over shoulders, and now Kurogane’s on his back. Fai then repositions himself to where he’s mounting, hands splayed over solid abs. Blue eye meets red ones briefly, and then he rides.

Those higher pitched, needy noises Kurogane utters never cease to send ripples of want and need in him along with the continuous contact their bodies make. He’s relieved he’s not in pain at the moment, in spite of the fresh scratch wounds on his back. In all these past few weeks, months, he’d deliberately given Kurogane the cold shoulder, hoping, _wishing_ Kurogane would let him go before things could grow worse. It hurt him every single time, and Fai would hear it in his sharp, angry words. And yet, here they are, as close and intimate they have ever been, and in one slip he had yet given more scars to Kurogane, the man who refuses to let him go no matter what he does. 

Deep down, Fai has always yearned for something like this, like the time he confessed to Kurogane in that bar how he secretly wished to have someone take him away. For someone to accept him as he is and not use him for their tragic agenda – a wish he’d harbored since he was a child. But like most children who must grow up and must contend with the harsh reality of the whole wide world, Fai had learned the painful way that his dreams were impossible. Time and time again, fate had told him love and happiness is something he could never have: the death of his brother at his hands; Ashura becoming a monster to save Fai and asking for the impossible; not being able to save Syaoran; and tonight, hurting precious Sakura. But as for Kurogane...the worst has yet to come.

Yuuko had said that he still has the power to choose what he wants, even in the face of _hitsuzen_. She had said it with such certainty, as if she dared to suggest that there might be a path of salvation for him in the face of despair, that it left him speechless. In spite of his ties to her nemesis, the powerful warlock whose wishes and gambits she wishes to destroy – and in spite of being the one who has full reins over Kurogane, the one person out of them all who is designated as his opponent – Yuuko wants the best for him. In the grand schemes of everything, when so many chains of events have been foreseen and pre-orchestrated, how can he be so sure of what he wants and what he’s certain of?

But when Kurogane arches up to kiss and hold him, he knows what it is. And the thing is, he’s already known for a while, the only other thing he can be certain of.

He loves him.

Fai doesn’t know how long it has been like that; for all he knows it could have started when they wordlessly bonded in Yama, or those times they shared quiet breakfasts in Outo. Kurogane’s sacrifice in Tokyo forced him to see how much he really meant to the warrior, because it’s the same for him, how much he treasures Kurogane and their times spent together, learning and _knowing_ each other throughout the journey. And it terrified him because he, _they_ , had crossed the line. No matter how hard he tries to be distant, hoping Kurogane would give up, Fai still loves him, and _wants_ to believe against all signs that something good and happy could come out of this.

But what good would that be, when his whole life he’s done nothing but hurt the people he loves? How can he place such hope in happiness with Kurogane, when he is going to die tomorrow? Fate had decided a cruel path for him from the moment he was born, and it only leads to eternal death in purgatory. For a long time, his death has been the only thing he’s been certain of and accepts. And now, the one thing he did not see coming, the very same thing he is sure of and chooses with all his heart – to love Kurogane is futile in the end because soon they will part ways forever. No matter what he does, no matter what he wants, he cannot change a single thing.

Pushing away the pain, he holds on tightly, head arched back and throat exposed for Kurogane to bury in, riding and riding. And before Fai can stop it, a lonesome, quiet tear falls down his cheek. 

( _Another lonesome, quiet and foreign tear coats his neck._)

Maybe it’s why, when they kiss relentlessly again, they never let go.

Kurogane strokes him again. He goes faster. They kiss rougher and deeper, pulses thundering, breaths quickening and skin meeting skin. Warmth, the good, tickling kind of warmth, pools below his abdomen and spreads everywhere and in some way it’s better than when he drinks in Kurogane’s blood because now Kurogane is all his and he’s all Kurogane. Around him the room blurs momentarily, eye turning bright, vivid gold and he sucks in sharp breaths until he comes. 

Dazed and weary, Fai rests on Kurogane’s shoulder while he thrusts once, twice until he comes as well.

They stay embraced for a bit; for once they agreed on this together nonverbally. Letting go, cleaning up – in a strange way it feels like a blur for Fai. The only thing said between them is when Kurogane lifts the covers and says “sleep,” and promptly joins him in bed.

His back is turned to Fai. Blood from the scratches earlier have already dried up, so at least he doesn’t have to consider licking them dry and closed. He already drank enough tonight. They won’t form permanent scars at least, but as for the other ones that Kurogane bears they will always stay there as a reminder of what he’d done and sacrificed to protect Fai. 

Even after he is long gone.

There is nothing Fai can say, nothing he can do to convey his gratitude for all that Kurogane has done for him, especially during these trying times. How could he, when tonight is his last night alive. All he ever wanted was to be loved and happy. But as sleep begins to evade him, he knows it never will be the case, because at long last, Death and he will cruelly accept one another.

( _I’m sorry for hurting you, Kuro-sama…_ )

* * *

_“But a wound like this won’t kill me!”_

_“Not won’t kill you, but can’t kill you, right?”_

_Blue eyes widen in shock, not because he is confused, but because his white lie has been detected. Fai is determined to live – to an extent. Because Kurogane can sense it, sense that Fai is waiting for the right time to die._

_He taps Fai’s ankle with his scabbard, and then it becomes a long, wooden stick. They’re back in Koryo, under that witch’s illusion where big, fat acid droplets are hurled at them. Just as they await the possibility of death, they talk about their homes they had left._

_“I hate staying in one place…Because there’s this person who’s coming after me, so I must keep running to as many worlds as I can.”_

_Then he smiles, that cheerful smile that hides sadness and pain under the acid rain – and then the world around them turns dark, and suddenly Fai’s bleeding, unconscious, and Kurogane can’t breathe. _

_Every inch of his body screams when the kid attacks him with hot, blinding light. But it’s nothing, the pain is nothing to when he learns that Fai is dying and all he sees is red. _

_Red blood dripping in Fai’s mouth, and then, suddenly, Fai’s body is drowning in red blood, and he isn’t sure if he is crying or not, but his throat is tight and this is just a dream, this is just a dream, **this is just a dream** – _

* * *

“I’ve already used quite a lot of my magic,” Fai says, lips curled in a smile that seems ordinary, but it isn’t, it really, really isn’t.

He curls his fist where Souhi has just magically been stored in. Whether Fai means to hide it or not – and he has been more terrible at it since last night – Kurogane can still see through it, and the thought twists his stomach sickly. 

No matter how much he wants to believe otherwise, all signs point towards it. Fai firmly making a wish to return to his home world, when all this time he’d never wanted to. Fai drinking his blood without making any resistance. And then Fai kissing him, fucking him with his mouth, holding him tightly in return. 

And then there were those nightmares he had last night. He may not be a dreamseer who can see the future, but something about it disturbs him. Seeing the mage in a pool of blood, even if it was just a dream, upsets him. For a ruthless, determined man like him, losing Fai is unthinkable. 

Going after him, pursuing him into bed, and making love. It all feels too surreal like a dream to Kurogane, when he pieces everything together, and realizes that Fai plans to die when they show up in Celes. He doesn’t regret being so intimate with him, not one bit, and he’s selfishly relieved Fai had wanted the same. But if Fai feels it is time to die, _then it all ends nowhere_. He doesn’t want that, not when he’d just confined himself to be Fai’s prey for as long as he lives, so that he won’t lose the mage. And he’s _terrified_.

Kurogane doesn’t want to say goodbye. 


End file.
